What is going on here? Does anyone know?

I just got done reading a friend's blogs and there were a lot in there that were really moving and created a strange emotional response in me, odd because I am more a thinker than a feeler. I'm sitting here at home, having spent the last two weeks doing nothing the majority of the time and it is wholly unsatisfying. I haven't read any books, which I should have, done any devotionals, which I could have, spent any time preparing, which I would have, if I wasn't lost in this shallow life of me, washing around in a pool of my own vomit, masked by a destruction which looks so beautiful.

Here's a poem from me (maybe it will help you understand):

River
by: Jared

A river of life flows from the throne,
I see it's movement and watch as it comes,
It reaches for me, to catch me as I fall,
But I'm struggling to stand, building a wall,
One I can hide behind, one that is tall,
But the river keeps coming, relenting and strong,
To find me in weakness, to show me I'm wrong.

The pain is electric, but I block out it's strength,
Nothing will come of these trials, I think
But slowly it's changing, I am losing control,
Lost in the shadows of dreams untold,
And finding myself drowned in the cold,
The river keeps coming, washing away,
The ease and the comfort I felt that day.

A voice slowly whispers, words of relief,
It speaks very slowly, so I can understand,
But the voice it is using, speaks words I don't know,
Unfamiliar with promises, it wants me to grow,
Regardless of knowledge, it pushes me slow,
The river is pacing, carrying me along,
Slowly I'm changing, to right from the wrong.

The Word, it does carry me, unto the shore,
To float in the river, upstream to the throne,
But now the time comes, for the weak to appear,
For my pain to be manifest, my path to be clear,
For now I am seeing it all, through my tears,
The river will carry me, I will not cry or boast,
Into the arms of Him cares for me most.

Pain is reward and peace is the price. It will not be until both are realized together that anyone will truly live.
~Tarkola'an Bey,
from Words of Tarko, Devotions and Visions

Why is it that when I am feeling the most depressed that I suddenly become the most eloquent? Today is a new day, today is there for me to challenge and create new life in myself and in those around me. How are you doing at creating new life in those around you?

Everyone who falls on that stone will be broken to pieces, but he on whom it falls will be crushed.”
~Luke 20:18

May you fall on the Rock of your Salvation, that you may be broken and humble before his throne.
Peace and Love to all.