Calm the F@#$ Down!

Sometimes I surprise myself with the depth of my emotional responses to things. This last post that I typed was at a pretty stressed time in my life, a time with a lot of already negative emotion and then exacerbated by the situations of my life. But calm also comes after the storm, and I am at peace once again, maybe more peaceful than I have been in a while. I'm still hurting and life is still painful, but I'm beginning the process of being renewed, of being cleaned with hyssop and purified through the blood of the Lamb. "'Come, let us reason together,' says the LORD, 'Though your sins are red like blood, they shall be white as snow; though they be like crimson, they shall be like wool.'" And I believe that. Up until recently, it never occurred to me that I was an extremely lazy person, especially when it comes to managing and progressing my own personal life. I have not really ever took a real interest in the way my life was turning out, but just coasted along on the circumstances that were around me, passively dealing with whatever came my way. What kind of fucked up existence is that? This part of me was pointed out to me by one of my friends, who was actually only referring to my life as a philosopher, but on further study of my life, I have discovered that it goes much deeper than that. This is one thing that I shouldn't really stand for, but I have let it be the controlling force in much of my life for much too long. It is time to take an active stance in my life and start moving myself into a place where what I want (aka, what God wants) is my primary focus and motive for life. Pray for me that this will be the case, if you are someone who believes in prayer's power.